salam u alaikum

hope everyone is doing good by the Grace and Mercy of Allah(SWT)

had a question in mind about forgiving someone:

lets do it this way,

there r two people, one of them hurts the other, the person who is hurt (let us say person A). thinks he/she has forgiven the person who hurt him/her (person B). but still has some feelings of sadness and reluctance towards person A whenever the topic is brought to attention.


can we say that person A has forgiven person B even person A still feels smth negative about the whole situation?


can u forgive without forgetting how hurt u were?

Ilaf, we cant control our hearts but we can control our descisions

since i decided not to punish this person..then i forgave him

but weather i like it or not,this is another thing..since feeling negative wont change the fact that i wont punish him (or what ever the action meant to be done)..then i forgave him already

but forgetting is NOT A GOOD THING..if i forgot what the man made to me, i wont be able to deal with him any more

for example..

if some one took from you money and didnt pay it back

you hate what he did, but you forgave him and dont want your money back

now you knew that this man cant be responsible in the issue of money, if you forget this, you'll go to deeper trouble with him, and lend him again, and then become angry more, then forget then beeing angry again, till you decide not to know him any more

but if you didnt forget, you'll not lend him money EXCEPT when you decide not to take it back, other wise you wont lend him and wait till he gives it back

meaning

FORGETTING can lead to more trouble than not to, just when forgiving some one you should put in mind that we are human, have our good things, and bad things

and you should know the bad things in a person to avoid it, instead of forgetting it and this will lead to the extreme decision of not knowing him again

Very well said brother Tere, however I'd like to add that having been in such a situation, I think it is true that our feelings are uncontrollable. Sometimes you want to forgive someone, and you do, however whenever that issue is brought it's a reminder of you being hurt. This is natural, forgiving doesn't mean you forget but I was reading somewhere I think a hadith (can't remember) that if you forgive someone their mistake, you should not bring it up again to avoid hurt feelings. But you have to understand that when you forgive someone, that someone should now realize that they should do their best to avoid repeating that mistake. Hurting somone intentionally is not a good deed. But one should be forgive, as those who forgive others, Allah swt will forgive that person InshAllah. So remembering this I try my best to forgive cause I want to hope for Allah swt's forgiveness :P You gain something by forgiving others. May Allah swt bless us with a strong Imaan. Ameen.

Again! Very well said, Brother, Tere!

You have written my thoughts, exactly! Now please, leave my Head! :-))

We all make mistakes and second chances, can and should be given! But it is a foolish person, who does not learn from experience!

Thank you also, Believer! Your Post too, was very good reading!

thx BELIEVER..and

looooooooooool, ok Andrew, i'm leaving your head..dont worry

yasterday they call me like dan brown, and today i'm in your head

:D these days i'm dangerous

thank u so much believer i was looking for this
"if you forgive someone their mistake, you should not bring it up again to avoid hurt feelings."

tere,

let us put the word "forget" in another way.

how i meant is to forget how it hurt u (forget the bad and deep feelings of being hurt by that person and each time u look at that person, u become reluctant either to continue or say ok i had my lesson and wnt fall for it again.)

if u still feel deeply hurt by the situation each time u see that person, everything comes back to ur memory and u feel like u r living the monent again, that u will be again hurt if u continue see that person.

u still have some feelings against this person whenever u see her/him again.


can we say we have forgiven in this case?

by the way, thnx u had put it very nicely and neat:)

and andrew, next time make sure u reply before tere does lol. then, tere will have nothing to say;)

Sis u feel hurt when u have expected sumthing from sum person... but tht person has disappointed u in some way.. it was not the person's fault tht u had started 2 expect things.. this happens with family n frds...

in this regard.. the messenger of Allah (pbuh) says.. which mean tht.. b4 u be suspicious of sumone, or if the other person has failed to be upto ur standards.. give him 70 Ta'aweelat.. i.e say mayb this happened, and maybe tht happened.. this thought itself will make ur heart content.. which is one of reasons why we r unable to forget after forgiving..

and another thing is tht... if u have tried sumone from ur family/ frds but tht person hurts u a number of times .. or does bad to u after ur goodness.. then its better to stop treating him/her well.. and do "Adl" at tht time.. do not be too-nice with the non-desrving people.. cuz sumtimes u have to make others realize tht they donot deserve ur good attitute.. this time u will ignore (tht will b the rite word to use) and stay alert...

No problem guys, glad I could be of use, I was just expressing my point of view. I guess you are right Sana, we do build expectations, but there are some basic expectations that you have for everyone around you. You expect to be treated the way you treat others. For example most of us would expect anyone we are speaking with to be honest, and when we discover that they have been lying, then it breaks our heart. You have to be forgiving, but you can usally tell whether a person is truly sorry for their actions, because they will only apologize if your point of view matters to them, it's rare a person would constantly apologize if they don't really care about you. Basing it on that you can usally decide whether this person will put you through the same thing again, but give them at least 3 chances, and then you can decide whether you want to or don't want to trust them, but just remember we should try our best to avoid beating fire with fire approach. It's the beauty of character, which I hope Allah swt blesses us all with. The worst thing a person can do is usually when they are upset or angry, and I read somewhere a person true character shines when they are angry, this is exactly why we all have to learn to control our anger, something else I ask Allah swt to bless us all with. I find controlling anger a very challenging task :S